Press "Enter" to skip to content

Fetish dating 101: 9 sinful steps to dating kinky people

It doesn’t matter how you got here! But you’re here now and you’re trying to figure out the dating scene that surrounds kink and fetish.

Here are a few tips to dating kinky people that’ll help you on your way (thought the best way to learn is by trying or by taking official BDSM tests)!

1. Understand Poly

If you’re new to the kink community, you’re going to have to learn a little about polyamory. There’s a lot of different ways to do poly and it means a lot of different things to different people, but poly in a nut shell is the desire to maintain multiple romantic and sexual relationships.

You don’t have to be okay with being poly yourself, but you should understand it because a lot of people will have a primary partner (or a few) and still date around within the scene! Definitely read up on it more, but be conscious that poly is a thing!

2. Most people are really open!

A lot of people clam up when they first get into kink. What you’ll find is that a lot of people are very open and welcoming. You’re going to meet a lot of very accepting people within the community. So, get excited!

3. …Except when they’re not open at all

While most people are extremely open about fetish, there are some people who are forced to keep it on the downlow for a multitude of different reasons. These people will usually tell you, but make sure that if you run into one of these private people in a vanilla place, don’t out them as kinky!

4. Understand trauma and boundaries

A lot of people have trauma. And when you’re playing with ropes and handcuffs and incorporating aspects of humiliation into sex, those traumas might arise. So be aware of that in yourself and with partners.

And NEVER cross hard limits. Once boundaries are set they aren’t to be pushed unless explicitly said so by the person. Pushing limits is violating consent and that’s definitely not okay. Pushing limits is not Safe Sane or Consensual (SSC)!

5. Just because they’re into something doesn’t mean you have to be

Okay, so let’s say you’ve found a partner who is really into feet. Just because they’re into that doesn’t mean you have to be. Don’t let that turn you off from getting with someone. You don’t have to incorporate every single kink into every single sexual encounter!

6. Don’t be scared of the leather! Most people are really sweet!

A lot of people are intimidated by all the leather and the dark clothing. But you shouldn’t be! A lot of people in the community just look intimidating!

Some of the sweetest most understanding people are also the people who have a thousand tattoos and dress in the most intense way.

Just because someone looks like they can kick your ass, doesn’t mean they will (unless you ask them to politely).

7. Beware of hyper-masculine Dom types

These guys are usually really fucked up and violate consent all the time. Don’t get intoxicated by all the testosterone. Be wary.

8. Fetlife is almost a necessity

If you’re just starting out you’ll need to get on Fetlife! That was the best decision I ever made. Fetlife will help you connect with the community!

9. There are plenty of kinksters in the sea

Don’t get discouraged if something doesn’t work out and don’t hold on to a relationship for the sake of the sexual chemistry. There will be another person who will have the same kinks and will treat you infinitely better! Remember that you always come first!

Comments are closed.